you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
