In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
