i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
honey bunches of taint.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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