yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
