Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So vagazzling was a success
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
