i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
