his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize