You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
