No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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