i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How does it feel to date your dad?
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