I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
