The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I supernannyed him into submission
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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