she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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