Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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