FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
