yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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