Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
