You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
