if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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