OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I cut my penus on the lid.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
