I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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