i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
