Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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