I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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