she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
