It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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