You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
