he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize