Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
