he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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