awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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