I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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