Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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