can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
