I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there was a trapeze. enough said
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
