The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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