Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
