She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
