I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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