I wish life had little blips of pornography
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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