you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
