Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
