don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
