You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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