It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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