hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize