I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
