**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
