how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize