sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
