hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The Olympian is in my bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
