her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
