you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Randomize
