The maid of honor just puked.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
