Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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