people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
