When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
