I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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