So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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