Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
