For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
