My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
