Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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