Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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