I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
