please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
