He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
