I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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